Setting Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries can be challenging to navigate, but setting and communicating them is important for your health and well being. They create a clear framework that tells others how to treat you and sets mutually respectful expectations about how your relationship works.
The holiday season can easily add extra challenges to enforcing your personal boundaries. There are family gatherings, social events, financial pressures, more alcohol, more food, less sleep. These added commitments can also throw you off your normal routine of exercise, sleep, healthy eating, and other positive coping activities.
Problems often occur when you start to put someone else’s needs before your own. Remember: your wants and needs are valid and important. Not speaking up about how you want to spend the holidays or which social occasions you want to attend can lead to feelings of mistreatment or disrespect that can cause resentments. It becomes all too easy to make excuses for others or to stretch your boundaries “because it’s the holidays”. You may place unfair blame or pressure on yourself out of fear of “ruining” a special occasion with an argument. Don’t let the holidays become an excuse to slip into unhealthy patterns.
Remind Yourself Why You Need to Enforce Your Boundaries: Ask yourself: “What are the emotional, physical, and relationship costs of trying to live up to others’ expectations? What are the costs of trying to live up to my own unfair expectations? Are these costs really worth it? Are they necessary?”
Set Your Healthy Boundaries: Remember that “No” is a full sentence. You do not have to explain yourself if you don’t want to. You can suggest alternatives that will work better for you or just leave it at “no”. This can be hard because you may not want to disappoint others but ultimately you really need to do what is best for you and your emotional and physical health. If you are concerned about hurting feelings, you can say something positive and express your appreciation of the offer so your “no” does not come off as a rejection.
Be calm: Having a discussion with family about boundaries while you’re angry is a no-no. They won’t take your issues seriously, and they’ll question your intent, even if it’s entirely out of love. Setting boundaries is a normal thing, and it’s supposed to help you keep the peace between everyone instead of making things awkward.